I’ve been trying to work on my patience lately. Anyone who knows me can probably attest to the fact that it’s not one of my strengths. I’m a planner and a doer. Once I get an idea I don’t usually stop to think twice about it…and still I find myself constantly wondering how I always seem to end up in the middle of the most ridiculous, disastrous situations.
I get so preoccupied with making one thing happen that everything else in my life kind of gets shoved to the side, and I know because of this I miss out on the joy that even one little moment can bring.
The other day I was absentmindedly journaling (admittedly because I had already taken two naps that day and felt like I needed to do something at least 10% more productive with my time), and later as I read back over my words I noticed these:
I trust that God is molding and shaping me into who he wants me to be. Until then, I am content in who I am and whose I am. I am not seeking anything but to know and be known by Christ, and this is a hard but beautiful place to be.
Side note: I realize that sounds pretty well-thought out for absentminded journaling. You should know that the sentence before this reads “I need to learn to CALM DOWN and CHILL OUT and not rely so heavily on Diet Coke to help me do these things.”
Another side note: the amount of times per day I have to tell myself to calm down and chill out in all-caps is downright embarrassing.
ANYWAYS. I have been having to just stop myself lately in the middle of all my plans and my ideas and force myself to take a few deep breaths. I have had to remind myself over and over that God is doing things in my heart that I’m not yet aware of. Some of the things I think I want, maybe He hasn’t prepared me for yet. And maybe I’m so distracted by those things that I’ve missed out on His calling in other areas of my life.
These verses have been at the forefront of my mind:
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but are never able to exercise it in life. Those who trust God’s action find that God’s spirit is in them, living and breathing. And if God has taken residence in your life, you can’t hardly think of yourself more than Him.
When God lives and breathes in you, you are delivered from death. Don’t you see that we don’t owe this do-it-yourself life anything? There is nothing in it for us.
God’s spirit touches our spirits; we know who He is and we know who we are. And we know what’s coming to us- an unbelievable inheritance.
Romans 8:5-17 (The Message)
I need to become more comfortable with periods of waiting; periods of development. I need to learn to live in the moment during the process and not just rush towards the end result. I need to trust in God’s perfect timing instead of relying on my own agenda.
I’m finding that I’m not able to be content in every moment because I’m so focused on what I’m working towards- what hasn’t happened yet. Often these are things I don’t even really have control over and still I let them dictate how I feel.
And then I remember how incapable I am of accomplishing my goals on my own. I remember how things tend to turn out when I rely solely on what I want to happen when I want it to happen (usually not great).
I am comforted by the fact that the Lord has gone before me and paved the way. He knows what I need and He will provide in time. He knows what I want too, and He has carefully picked through that enormous list and will give me the things that will truly benefit me.
Rushing around trying to get things done on my own has only led to frustration, confusion and exhaustion. I find peace and rest in trusting God’s perfect timing and infinite understanding to give me what I need exactly when I need it.